got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Found the puke drawer
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
