Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
