Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize