I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
