To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
