sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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