just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
