I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
