in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
