I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
