What a fucking waste of an outfit
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
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