Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
