I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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