Only a mothe r could love this liver
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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