I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Randomize
