he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
