you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
