Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
