I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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