What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
