she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
