You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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