How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
