i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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