I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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