And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
