someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
