Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
