actually, I'm a sock model
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
