Grow some girl-balls and come out already
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
