Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
