soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
