Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
