I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
