oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
