I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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