I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
