I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
