you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
