I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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