atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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