Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
