My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
