Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
