turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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