she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
