if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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