I got chris browned last night
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
