my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My breasts were aching with rage.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
