the condom got lost in my hair
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
