Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
