Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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