sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
