You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
How does one acquire holy water?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
