Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
