How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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