if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
