remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
