Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
