can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
