So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
it hurts more in the daytime
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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