I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
