Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
