My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
