probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
