I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Text me some of your sweat
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