Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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