Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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