just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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